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white and nerdy

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[27 Aug 2006|03:32am]
[ mood | confused ]

Alright, emotions; you've really fucked up this time.

I officially hate having feelings for my ex, even though I love the fucking hell out of him and I know he feels the same.
It isn't cool that I don't get to see him enough... but, when probation is over (November 11th), I may just move in with him. He's old enough to get his own apartment, which he'll be doing soon. I explained what happened with my parents, and he said that I'm welcome any time for as long as need be. I also told him I'd find a job and help out with rent. I don't expect to live rent-free anywhere. But it makes me feel good to know that I have a place I can go when my parents tell me to get out. Or, in this case, "As soon as your probation is over.. you're OUT." We're both in generally bad situations with our parents. Somehow, even though you'd think it would make us both stressed and pissed and in too much of a bad mood to be around someone else who is pissed off... it doesn't. We understand each other, and it's cool that I can talk to someone who knows what I'm saying. I like the fact that, even though we broke up, we'd still do anything for each other and we're still there for each other through thick and thin.

I like the fact that I can have a strictly platonic (for the time being) relationship with my ex. He makes shit so easy. No pressure, no "friends-with-benefits" kind of thing expected, no expectations of anything MORE than a platonic relationship. It makes things easier to deal with, really.

I think I'm going to go visit him as soon as possible. We haven't hung out in God knows how long, and I really do miss the kid a lot.


But, goddamnit emotions; STOP MAKING THINGS SO COMPLICATED! Bastards. And thank you Chris, for making things so uncomplicated at the same time :D

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Goddamnit. Fuck. [25 Aug 2006|03:52pm]
[ mood | pessimistic ]

Rant.Collapse )

I hate retail.

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NYC [20 Aug 2006|07:06pm]
[ mood | happy ]

So.. NYC was AWESOME. I ended up staying at my ex's house, though. Haha. I had a really good time, so I can't complain. Anyway, like I said...

Pictures!Collapse )

So, not many pics, but I was too lazy to keep digging my camera out when it was under everything in my purse. We also went to Union Square, walked around the East Village, went to 99x [where I got a Liverpool scarf, I might add!] and just hung out. I love NYC so much. I wish I got to see some certain other people, though.

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[18 Aug 2006|10:18am]
[ mood | happy ]

WOOHOO!
I finally got my tongue pierced yesterday.

And tomorrow, I'm going to NYC :D I'm so excited. I love that place. We're getting like the 8am bus up there and then the 7 or 8pm bus back. Should be a shitload of fun.
I'm sure there will be tons of pictures, so.. expect them on Sunday.

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School... [13 Aug 2006|05:28pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Well, it's time to pick classes for homeschool again. I'm not really sure what I'm going to take yet, but I was thinking

AP English: Language & Composition
Honors Global Studies
AP European History
Consumer Math
Honors Anatomy & Physiology
Graphic Design & Illustration
German II
Sociology

Goddamn me for being an overachiever.
I still have to meet with the lady that does the homeschooling stuff, but I'm sure everything will be ok'd because I have such good grades that all my teachers wanted me to take AP classes this year. It definitely can't hurt when applying to colleges, and it's really not much of a struggle at all for me (I took one AP class last year in addition to honors courses), so it's not like I'd be overloaded with work.
To be honest though, I'm actually excited about taking AP European History. AN ENTIRE YEAR OF EUROPEAN HISTORY!
Hahaha... I'm a nerd.

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[13 Aug 2006|12:23am]
[ mood | tired ]

I get my license in exactly 4 months.

I just thought you all should know ;)
And you should probably watch out when on the road in exactly 4 months. Haha, just kidding. I'm a pretty good driver.


PS- MusikFest blew. I didn't get to see Jake or Ian, and it was just... boring :\

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Alright, so... [10 Aug 2006|09:18pm]
Well, I work 4-close tomorrow. Close is 10, but I have to stay until 10:30 to clean up the store, etc. I have off Saturday, and then I work 4-close on Sunday again. I'm not sure what days next week I have to work... I think it's Thursday 8am-4pm, but I don't know if there's days other than that. I'll find out tomorrow. Wish I didn't have to close on a Friday night, but hell, if I just get training out of the way I'll be happy.. and besides, I need the money. I'm gonna try to work 5 days per week (Mon-Thurs and Sunday, hopefully?!) for 8 hours a day. So, that's 40 hours a week, which should even out to about $580 every other week before taxes if I'm making $7.25 an hour. Although, a coworker told me she makes $7.50 an hour and she's only been there for 3 weeks, so.. we'll see. My mom said I'm gonna get something probably under $75 taken out of each paycheck for taxes and all, which isn't too bad really. She makes much more than I do in two weeks, and she only gets $75 taken out so we'll see.
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[10 Aug 2006|12:08am]
[ mood | tired ]

So, as I'm sitting here smoking, I start thinking that I should quit these things. They're good, and they calm me down when I'm stressed, but they're not good for me physically. To top it off, I've got asthma. YES! What an awesome combination. I'm such an ass, though. I run with a cigarette in my mouth. So, while I'm losing a little bit of weight, I'm also impairing my lungs moreso than they already are.
I probably won't quit, even though I know I should. Same with drinking though. Oh well.

To be honest, I have nothing to write.. other than the fact that painting pottery was loads of fun today.

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Well.. [09 Aug 2006|10:13am]
[ mood | happy ]

First day of work was pretty good. I met some of the people I'll be working with most of the time, and 6 hours flew by (other than watching training shit on a computer for two fucking hours straight). My manager didn't tell me whether or not I had to work today, so I called them last night. Apparently, they "throw you on the schedule" if you're training. Yeah, uh, thing is.. I DON'T DRIVE. So good luck if I can't get a ride from my mom or something.
Anyways, today I'm going to Ambler with Christina and Emma and Mary Joe to paint pottery. At least I think she said Emma & Mary Joe were going.. I'm not sure. Should be fun though.

On Saturday I get to see Jake :D I'm super happy. I think this is the first guy that my family AND friends have both loved, haha. Him and my dad seem to get along really well, and my mom loves how "polite" and how much of a "gentleman" he is. Not to mention they both love how protective he is of me. It's nice, being able to bring a guy around and not have my parents dislike him.


[EDIT]
My best friend just called me and screamed, "WAKE UP!!! I'm bringing you donuts and coffee from Dunkin Donuts!" Haha. That rules so much. I love that girl.

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Wow... [06 Aug 2006|09:39pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

I would really appreciate it if whoever is leaving messages on my voicemail, as well as my best friend's voicemail, would fucking stop it.

I woke up to one missed call and "one new voicemail" on my cell. So, I call my voicemail. I hear this:
Cut for offensive contentCollapse )

And the song kept going. I know what song it is, and I think I know who it's from.. I'm just not 100% sure.

On my friend's phone was this voicemail:
Also cut for offensive contentCollapse )

I don't understand any of it. At all. Not to sound racist or anything, but I have never dated outside my race. I also don't have blonde hair OR blue eyes.
Whatever. I have a feeling it's my ex (my friend knows him as well).

Regardless of who it is, harassment is childish and I'm not going to tolerate it. If this shit keeps up, I won't hesitate to call the cops and have them bust your ass for it.

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Yet another... [05 Aug 2006|02:42am]
[ mood | tired ]

This survey is actually kinda cool.

You see a guy in combat boots and a trenchcoat in a NIN shirt.

1. What would you think of him: He's gonna shoot up a school/he reminds me of the guys who shot up Columbine
2. Would you talk to him: Probably not, unless he talked to me first. Even then, it would more than likely only be because I wouldn't wanna be rude and not answer him.
3. What do you think he'd be into: NIN

You see a girl wearing a tight pink tank top with no bra. Her body does not appear to have an ounce of fat on it. Her skin is perfect and her hair is bleached.

1. Is she naughty or nice: Total whore.
2. Is she a bitch: Definitely.
3. She looks sad. Do you ask her what's wrong: No.

You see a guy with slicked back greasy hair. His pals call him Joey and he sounds thickly Italian. He seems kinda hard. He offers to take you out for ice cream.

1. Do you go: Nope.. I'd rather not date a potential mobster.
2. Do you offer to pay: No, and it wouldn't matter, because I wouldn't have gone with him.
3. What do you think of him: Not cute.. not my type. Appears cocky, and way too sure of himself. Confidence is good, arrogance isn't.

You see a girl who is slightly chubby and smiling. Her clothes are loud but tasteful with a lot of red and she is wearing sunglasses. She drops something but doesn't notice.

1. Do you pick it up and keep it or do you give it back or do you leave it there: Pick it up and give it back to her.
2. What do you think of her: She's probably cute, and she looks happy with herself which is really awesome. I'm guessing she knows she doesn't have to be skinny to be pretty.
3. Would you talk to her: Definitely.

You see a guy who is short and thin with a large Jewish looking nose. His curly hair is out of control and his personality is funny and witty and charming. He's really smooth about asking for your number since you are in the same class.

1. Do you give it to him: No.. sorry, he wouldn't be my type. I don't like hair on boys, especially curly hair.
2. Do you wait anxiously for him to call: Not at all.
3. What do you think of him: Not my type, but I could see myself being friends with him.

You see a British guy sitting next to you. He has blonde hair with one blue eye and one brown eye. He is dressed rather conservatively and has very bad teeth.

1. If he doesn't talk to you first, do you ask about his eyes: No, because if it's something weird, I feel uncomfortable.
2. What do you think of him: He reminds me of some crazy guy.
3. Do you stare at his teeth: No, I'd find it gross and look away.

You see a dark haired girl who is tall and rather large wearing a Korn tshirt. She seems loud and apparently likes to talk to strangers. She comes over to you and tells you 'I loved you in the wizard of Oz'.

1. What do you say: I wouldn't say anything, I'd probably end up punching her in the fucking mouth for being such a douchebag. If I wasn't so angry that day, it'd be more like, "Shut the fuck up and take your loud ass somewhere else you stupid cunt."
2. Could you become friends with this person: Never.
3. What do you think of her: I hate her. Loud, obnoxious people who think they're rebels because they say something like that annoy the FUCK out of me.

You see a dark haired Spanish guy with a spikey hair, a torn t shirt, and jeans bouncing around to a Clash song.

1. Do you bounce around near him: Sure, why not?
2. What do you think of him: He may be cool.. we'll see.
3. He says, 'Te amo.' you say: "I don't understand what the hell you just said."

You see a short girl who is thin, well endowed and has long blonde hair. She is wearing a black skirt and a royal blue tank top. She has blue eyes.

1. Is she someone you would talk to: Depends on if she looks like a bitch or approachable.
2. What do you think of her: Not really sure.
3. She tells you that her living room coffee table is a coffin and locked up in the coffin are guns. What do you say: Wow, you're a liar.

You see a tall, bone-thin Asian guy with brown hair and eyes. He's wearing sandals, jeans, and a green t-shirt. He has 'made in korea' and a Korean flag tattooed on his arm.

1. What do you think of him: What a loser. And I HATE GUYS WHO WEAR SANDALS. It's repulsive.
2. You see him making something out of tinfoil. Why would he be doing that: I don't care.
3. What do you think when he tells you he's from texas: Stay in your own country then, yeah? Haha.

You see a tiny blonde girl with a small chest. She has a low raspy voice and her t shirt is tied up to reveal her belly. She is wearing roller blades and short shorts.

1. Is she someone you would walk up and talk to: Nope.
2. What do you think of her: Put some more clothes on.
3. What do you say when she tells you she's bisexual: I don't really care.

You see a very tall guy with shoulder legnth black hair. He has a pretty face and deep brown eyes. His body is well muscled and he's wearing black long pants, black boots, a black button down shirt and a black cowboy hat. He is also wearing a belt with bullets.

1. What do you think of him: Get rid of the cowboy shit and you might be okay looking :D
2. What do you say when he tells you he's into 'golf': That's cool....
3. What do you say when he tells you he's thirty: Why are you talking to me?!

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Stole it... [05 Aug 2006|01:50am]
[ mood | happy ]

1. In two words, explain what ended your last relationship?
Lying druggie.

2. When was the last time you shaved?
My head? Over.. 3 weeks ago. I'm letting it grow into a feathercut. My legs and everywhere else that needs to be shaved? Today. I shave every day. I can't stand having hair on my body.

3. What were you doing this morning at 8am?
Sleeping, thank God.

4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Watching Family Guy.

5. Are you any good at math?
Yeah, I'm pretty good at it.

6. Your prom night?
Never went to prom, never will.

7. Do you have any famous ancestors?
Nope.

8. Have you ever taken out a loan to pay for school?
No.

9. Do you know the words to your high school song?
Haha.. no. I don't go to a regular school anyway.

10. Last thing you got in the mail?
The purse I ordered.

11. How many different beverages have you drank today?
Let's see.. coffee when I woke up, water for most of the day after that, Dr. Pepper with dinner, and just had some whiskey not too long ago.

12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machines?
Yeah, although I hate leaving messages.

13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to?
To be honest, I don't remember. I've been to so many shows I can't remember half of them.

14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
I usually don't hang out on the beach. I try to stay on the boardwalk.

15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
Getting a tooth pulled. Wasn't really "painful", but the gas they gave me made me throw up after I woke up.

16. What is out your back door?
Deck, yard, shed, woods.

17. Any plans for Friday night?
Friday night was today, and all I did was go out with a friend.

18. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair?
Actually, yeah, even though I hate the ocean.

19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different kinds of popcorn on Christmas?
Yeah, and I hate that shit.

20. Do you like your job?
Don't know, I start on Tuesday.

21. What is your favorite casino game?
Not old enough to go to casinos ;)

22. Some things you are excited about?
BA show, roadtrip in June, getting off probation, starting work.

23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO?
Um.. the red kind, I guess. Or green.

24. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?
Not that I know of.

25. Describe your keychain:
They're on a "Kiss me, I'm Irish" lanyard . I have my house key, a car key, and two keys from when I used to live at my dad's. I have a real shamrock inside a little..thing, and a dogtag that has the Go Army logo thing on it.

26. Where do you keep your change?
Pockets or bottom of my purse.

27. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?
Don't remember.

28. What kind of winter coat do you have?
Green flight jacket as well as a black parka.

29. What was the weather like on your graduation day?
Haven't graduated yet.

30. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
Closed.


I start work Tuesday.. 2-8. 6-hour shift on my FIRST day is a good sign; I need all the hours I can get. I'm going to start community service on Sunday, because my 31 hours needs to be done by September 15th. I'm going to MusikFest on the 12th, the Toasters show on the 17th, the BA/H8 Machine show on the 24th (let's hope we don't get our asses beat), and a few other things are going on. I'm supposed to get jumped at the scooter rally by a bunch of SHARPs, but Jake said he'd go with me and wouldn't let that happen to me. What a cute (& sweet!) boy :D

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[02 Aug 2006|07:55pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

I've realized that I get pissed off way too easily.

Long story short, my mom has had a migraine for about three days straight. She gets them every so often, but they usually don't last three days or more. Her medicine isn't helping. I offered to drive her to the hospital last night, but she said she'd see how she felt in the morning. She felt worse today, and didn't wake me up so I could drive her to the hospital so she can get the shot or whatever it is (I forget) that relieves the migraine. So, she came home from work, and obviously she was feeling pretty bad. I told her I was taking her to the hospital, and to get ready and let me know which one she wanted to go to so I could figure out how to get there. She keeps insisting that I don't take her. She keeps saying that she can't miss a day of work because the shots make her super drowsy for a day or so. I keep telling her, "Mom, you've had a migraine for THREE DAYS STRAIGHT. It's obviously not getting any better. You need to go see someone at the hospital. You can afford to take a day off work for that, trust me," but she just keeps refusing. I really started to get pissed off, not because she wouldn't do what I wanted her to, but because I care and she's too stubborn to go see a doctor. I understand that we really can't afford anything major right now, but one day off of work plus a $25 co-pay isn't major and it's not like it'd just be a leisure day. I'm concerned about her. I love my mother a lot and I just want to see her feel better, and if it's something more serious than just migraines, she needs to get it figured out. I don't mind driving the hour to the hospital and sitting there for three hours; it's not a big deal at all. She doesn't seem to understand that she needs to see someone about it, because evidently her medicine isn't helping and it's not going away.

Ergh, I'm just.. frustrated. I guess I can't force her to go, but I can damn well try =\

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[01 Aug 2006|11:35pm]
I'm finally buying a damned, God-forsaken Ipod tomorrow. Yeah, I swore I'd never get one. BUT I FELL IN LOVE! Black 30gb video. Mmmm. I was playing with it for about 15 minutes straight at the Apple store today ^_^ It'll be nice to be able to have my music whenever, instead of carting CDs around.
Besides, it'll get my mother to stop nagging me about how I put too much music on the computer and slow it down. To be honest, I do, so I can't blame her.
However, for now, I'm off to upload my CDs to the computer.
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